Fate, Coincidence or Providence - The Operation (pt 2)

Once upon a time I was a girl who grew up, got married, gave birth to a son then a daughter, watched them grow and have children of their own. I nursed my son through congenital heart block and life saving, medical ground-breaking operations from his birth and the same for my 4th grandchild too. Then one day after 50 years of healthy life congenital heart block struck again, this time to myself just weeks shy of my 51st birthday!  An operation to insert a life saving pacemaker was now required.  Pretty unusual thing to happen. Random, one might say. 50 years late....fate, coincidence or providence?

 

The Operation 

Tuesday 11th November 2014 about 15.30 That was the date of my operation.
 


Having my complete heart block discovered and spent a week in hospital for various tests and waiting for that life saving operation to insert a pacemaker, my cure all, I was finally transferred by emergency ambulance from my hometown hospital to another hospital to await that first pacemaker implant.

  

I was brought to a ward with 6 other people, some already had had their ops earlier that morning. Some, like me, were waiting still to go. Being in complete heart block I had to be hooked up to the heart monitor which kept bleeping very loudly due to my very low heart rate. It annoyed me but it truly annoyed one of the other patients who said he would switch it off. Now I would have been perfectly happy to not have been hooked up but knowing it was necessary not having been off a monitor in over a week, even in the ambulance they hooked me up,...I said no please don't. Surprisingly he said he could switch it off, he knew more than those nurses, and I didn't need it; it was only a monitor. Yes it was just a monitor, it wasn't helping me but it was enabling the nursing staff to see if my HR dropped any further so I could get the life saving treatment I would need immediately. This patient failed to understand that and after I said no he continued to go on about it to every one else and asked every nurse, auxiliary, doctor and even the cleaner that came into the ward to turn it off. When my turn came at just after 3pm to go to theatre I am sure he must have cheered!

Theatre, now the nerves started and it took me all I had to remain reasonably calm, the words of a few songs came into my mind such as Lord I need You. I kept saying a few lines in my mind from some songs over and over when I wasn't answering the doctor and nurses questions.

Of course they were brilliant, so kind and explained it all very well and all I could ask was when can I go back to work? Not that I was in a hurry just hoping they would say don't worry about that till after Christmas! They didn't.

 

Now the time came when I had to go into theatre, Can you walk? the nurse asked. Walk? Yes, of course, I guess. Would my legs hold me? Could I run in the opposite direction?

Up on the table they said, what about my slippers? do I just take them off and leave by the side of the operating table? won't they get in the way? never worry we'll take them off you soon. On the table in my blue operating gown, my knickers and my slippers, my boobs may well have been on show through my loose fitting and torn down, ready for the op, gown but my feet were well slippered! finally the slippers were taken off and some thoughtful nurse gave me a blanket for my dignity but only as far as my stomach actually I wasn't worried about below the breast line as I had on my knickers at least, but hey what about the indignity of my boobs on display and under bright lights and presumably up on a screen at least 200"!

Well, if nothing else it gave me a focus to worry about other than the real issue- a heart operation while I was awake!

 

Okay I must have looked like something out of Alien, bottom half covered, head wrapped like a mummy so I couldn't see anything, just my neck, shoulders and chest on display. Right, ready to start, oxygen mask on, BP monitor on, heart monitor on, head facing right, surgeon at my left side talking. Local anaesthetic in, ouch. Really, does it need to burn so much! Does that hurt? Yes, more anaesthetic, can you feel it burning? Yes. Good, does this hurt? Erm, yes I can still feel that, more anaesthetic, and yet more and yet more. " That's a lot of local?" ""yes , as much as she needs". Can you feel this? Finally, no I can't feel pain but I feel the pressure, o I could feel the pushing, the tugging, the pulling, My God, Lord I need You right now, I need you keep me calm. What if my heart fails now because  of the stress? Why are you worrying? You are on the operating table, surely if there was anywhere they could help, it would be here! 

Yes the Lord came to my rescue I felt my shoulders relax, my breathing ease, is it almost over?

 
 

We are about to put in the lead to your heart, What? It hadn't properly started, panic! I began to cry, emotion overcame me and for the next half hour or more I cried as the surgeons and theatre staff chatted about cars, yes cars, some one just sold a 1979 Boxter, had to, family came! What is a Boxter? 

 

I cried, emotional over the thought of my son who had undergone this op 4 times before, who had probably lain here on this very same table what had he thought? Was he as scared as I was? Why didn't I think of that more? Why didn't I comfort him? Until that moment of course I did not know what he went through and boys don't talk like girls do they? I felt like a bad mum, like although I was there I somehow failed him. 

My son Geoffrey age 4 by which time had had had 2 heart operations.

                                                                       

One lead in, pacing well, good job. Hallelujah. One more to go. Could I stand this anymore? I wasn't sure I had the strength to continue but I had no choice I just couldn't get up and walk out a bit cut open! Lord I need You Lord I need you, You're my one defence my righteousness, Lord I need You. Did I sing out loud? Probably. Thankful for the oxygen mask, no one heard I think!

Lead two, what did the surgeon say to the assistant surgeon? " be careful this is the jugular it could go to the brain" or something like that well jugular and brain in the same sentence. Am I having a stroke now? panic attack, my head fizzed O lord I am having some kind of something in my brain, Lord I need You Lord I need You, Glad to hear the words good job, that's good. Relax again. I can move my face, I can move my fingers and toes, I haven't had a stroke. Wow those tears again, how did my son go through this?

Punctured lung? what did he say? he punctured my lung? I breathed steadily with the oxygen mask, no, I don't feel different, I don't have pain, he couldn't have. Could he? What does a punctured lung feel like? Why don't they talk cars again? Get ready to pace folks he said, what? Something happened, was it normal? I don't know, but I was surrounded, there was no panic in the surgeon's voice, that has to be good. Finally the words Great job, that looks great. Breathe again, I'm alive, he's happy. I'm happy. This must be it over, just the pacerbox to go. Pulling, pushing shoving, we've got a leak? Wher ? They can't find it? Some to-ing and fro-ing, get this, get that, leak sorted, another great job. As long as its a great job...  never mind me lying here wondering what that was all about.

Cars again, thank heavens. Relax... Lord You are good, so good, Lord You are nothing but good and I trust You, trust You here and now.

Surely that's the pacemaker inserted now and ready to stitch up, its almost over.

You are doing great Amanda, really great, that's two leads in, now we have just to put in the pacemaker.. No way! I thought you already had! Disappointed, how much more could I withstand this, I wasn't at all sure.

Something about haemoglobin, something else they couldn't find more to-ing and fro-ing. Was this a problem? Were these problems? Was this normal? O Lord I need You I really can't do this, I'm done. Where did I get the strength for the final run, it was not my own, in fact none of it was, when I cried Lord I need You He was right there even before I ever entered the theatre. I could not have remained as calm as I did, sedation or not, if it wasn't for knowing that God is big, I am miniscule yet He loves me and I was in good hands whatever the outcome.

At last the words, great job, stitching done so neat the assistant surgeon apparently should be in cosmetic surgery. Well thank you God. Scar will be neat. Praise from the surgeons, and from the nurses, Its all over, working well. Finally my breasts covered. And out of the theatre 2 hours later must be near 6 o'clock in the evening. Relief.

Spend the night in hospital, chest x-ray and ECG in the morning, if all well HOME! Hallelujah. Lord, thank You for surgeons who know what they are doing, thank You for the medical knowledge at the time my heart block manifested, thank You it didn't manifest at my birth 50 years ago when I would most probably not survived as medical knowledge had not advanced to pacemakers generally.

Was it fate, coincidence or providence? Without a shadow of doubt it was providence, the all knowing mighty God who loved me before I was formed, had it covered.

Thank You Lord. Your grace covered me, in You is my healing, I am complete in You, saved, ransomed, redeemed, forgiven, HEALED, made whole complete. Thank you for the cross. Thank You for my pacemaker and the life I have in You.