Was that okay? It was rubbish wasn't it?

Was that okay? A question I so often ask myself at work, home or church when I have done something that has challenged me or just done something.

I want it to be okay, well actually I want it to be more than okay I want it to be good, the best. I want everyone to more than like it.

Confidence is not something I have in abundance. When I share my creative writing or even when i do a work report with presentation or when I'm asked to speak in church, even if I believe I've done a pretty good job, any comment or the idea of any comment that is not complimentary whether or not it is constructive just sends me off in a whirlpool of destructive thoughts:

Well that was just rubbish!

                           What did I do wrong, did I fail?
      
                                               did I make an utter fool of myself?

Of course that is not good as it really stems my creativity. It stops me from doing and enjoying what I do.

It stops me from being the best I can be.

Why? because I am too occupied with trying to please everyone, too afraid of what others will think of me or of failing.

So how could I stop myself diving for cover under that haze of self doubt?

My sister and her family moved into my home while they were waiting on their house sale being completed. My brother-in-law loves the Beatles but I do not.

And that is when it struck me I will never be able to please everyone, so why die trying?

The Beatles are highly acclaimed, won many awards and are known and loved across the world through many generations yet I don't like them. I thought I am not alone here there are others who would not listen to them despite them having so many No.1 hits.

I needed to grasp the truth, that even if I work very hard, even if I became the world's next J K Rowling, no matter how good I was at what I did there would always be those who don't like what I write or what I say.

Always.

                              ALWAYS.   

                                          ALWAYS.

 

I need to realise it's time to get over myself and just get on with it. Time to use my God given talents, skills and gifts to influence my audience.

What of the critics? Should I never listen to them? What of Feedback, should I ignore it?

No.  

                                                                                 Not at all.

Constructive comments help me improve.

In recent times my Pastor started what we call "the preaching group" although I do not like that name (maybe I will now be confident enough to offer an alternative!). It is a small group of people from my church who have a call on their life to preach and we meet to discuss our evaluation of each other. This was my absolute nightmare yet the feedback I receive helps me grow and be less self-absorbed.

So, if like me, you are easily crushed by your critics  
   

too scared to put work out there for fear of failure 

 

                                                                         then we will always fail.                                                         

But God did not make us to be that way, He did not invest talents and gifts in us to be buried under the bushel of no confidence and self disparagement.

Someone is always going to be critical of our work, don't let that rob us of being who we are made to be and doing what we are called, equipped and purposed to do.

 

Ephesians 2:10

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.