Wow, rage!
I am not characteristically known as an angry woman
although I have had the odd outburst through the years but just the other day I
had another uncontrollable rage, these are becoming more frequent. They seem to
come out of nowhere and are not for any logical reason. So, what happened this time? I had gone to
town to pick up a message and on returning home I called in with my daughter. And because she was not any help in deciding
what to do for dinner I blew a gasket literally over that. I was like a
madwoman: shouting and screaming, pacing back and forth. It is illogical,
completely out of proportion.
The worst thing though is you know it’s irrational, you
know it's not justifiable and above all anything but christian. You know
afterwards you will feel stress and shame - there is only so many lifelines the
‘I’m a woman with menopause’ will buy you ! The embarrassment
and the guilt creep in amidst the confusion and feelings of “Am I losing my
mind?”
Apparently, it’s not unusual for menopausal women to have
these rages. While the physical effects of the change are reasonably well known,
the mental ones are less well understood - and often devastating. Not to make
too light of it, it has destroyed careers, marriages, relationships and women’s
lives as they knew it.
Menopausal rage is linked to hormonal changes. A health
survey (Nuffield, 2015) of more than 3,000 menopausal women found that 60 per
cent have experienced hormonal changes that made them behave differently or had
a detrimental effect on their life, with uncharacteristic, irrational anger a
common symptom.
it is thought that as our oestrogen levels fall, the
impact for some women is that it can affect how we manage our emotions. Which,
simply put, means we have less control. And so, we can get a lot angrier, as
instead of reigning in our anger we do the opposite and let it out.
It has been suggested that you may be at a higher risk of
suffering menopause-related anger outbursts if you have a history of postpartum
depression, premenstrual syndrome symptoms or depression. Or others believe it
is repressed anger from when we were younger (because of course we are very
much of a generation where it was not polite or socially acceptable for women
to feel angry) and it is this unresolved anger from the past we are letting out rather than anger from something in the
present moment.
That is quite thought provoking especially for Christian
women because we’re told it isn’t acceptable for a Christian, and more so women
even today, to be angry and we feel we have to keep our feelings in check, not
speak out or complain. It is expected that we are to be mild, peaceful and
accepting. And that of course conflicts with how we feel when this
uncontrollable rage blindsides us.
So, what can do about it?
We looked at in the previous blog how we – women- are
made in His image, He understands. That’s a good basis from which to put in
place some specific strategies to help us through.
Jesus did not ignore physical needs. He knew fatigue,
hunger and pain. And sometimes we need to do what is best for our physical
bodies.
I am much more likely to be irritated and fly off the
handle if I am tired, and I can get tired if I don’t eat properly or exercise
enough.
Wellness is linked to getting out an about taking in the
sights and ensuring our bodies get exercised. This has a positive impact not
just physically, but studies would indicate it impacts our mental health also.
Those delicious but so high in sugar treats we like to
reward ourselves with or an extra cup of coffee can race up your nervous system
and leave your nerves jangling making it so much easier to lose control and on
comes that rage. As with a lot of other complaints good nutritional habits can
make a world of difference.
Taking care of the physical is good and will help your emotions
as well, which may well be all over the place, but it is important to remember
that although you may be feeling hopeless and alone, you may be suffering guilt
pangs or confusion and feel spiritually cut off from God:Psalm 31:22 says
“For I said in my haste, I am cut off from before thine
eyes: nevertheless thou heardest the voice of my supplications when I cried
unto thee.”
Feeling cut off from God? See the BUT in this scripture…
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| photo by Amanda's divinelywovenwords |
The promise of Hebrews 4:16 still applies to us ladies as
we are going through this: “Let us then approach the throne of grace with
confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time
of need.”
Menopause is no barrier to God’s grace and even at our
worst it is good to remember His grace is not dependant on us being some super
woman who never has a bad day but His grace reaches us and covers us when we
ask simply because He is good and He cares about us.
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| photo by Amanda's divinelywovenwords |
I said earlier that some studies believe it is unresolved
anger from previous situations. It would be wise to consider where your anger
is coming from and try to resolve issues. Of course, and this is very
important, if you are extremely angry so much that you frighten yourself it
would be unwise to not double check with your doctor for any other underlying
cause.
One more thing you can do to help is to communicate with
your family and close friends. One day I sat both my adult children down and
let them know what was going on with me. I may have over emphasised the facts
because they both asked me if I could die from it! I assured them not and that
in a few years I would not snap their heads off over nothing again. Together we
look forward to that day meantime they try to understand which is a great
support to me. I love that about them and it helps me to remember if they do
that much for me how much more God loves and cares and forgives me.
So I hope this has helped. If any of you are finding you
are losing it a little too often for no reason and you have any questions on
anything, please do get in touch I’d love to get your emails or subscribe for
more instalments.
All photos in this blog post except where stated are not my own but"free to use" courtesy pixaby and public domain.
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